I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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