I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
