Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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