this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
