Apparently you make a good broom.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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