Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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