her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
