she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
