i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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