based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
