so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
