I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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