So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
