I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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