if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
