Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
