Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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