Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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