I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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