Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
