their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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