what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
