i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
