it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
