I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
