I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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