32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
