I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
