you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
