just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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