i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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