He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
