Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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