he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
