Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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