I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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