hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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