On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
