i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I could make wine with my vomit
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
