my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
