took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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