even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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