I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
whose parrot is this?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
