Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
