No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
