Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
