This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's shark week go big or go home
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
