i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
