"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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