if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
