you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just invented taco cereal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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