States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
