Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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