As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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