I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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