whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im holly from the hills drunk
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
