found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
