I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize