you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize