She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
