Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
