the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
