fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
