i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize