i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
