the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
