He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize