You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
