Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
