What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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