That's when you crack a 10am beer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
