Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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