I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
