I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
