She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
