Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
