I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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