the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
