So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
