as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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