he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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