I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
