yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
