mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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